That Aha Moment . . .

It took some processing time but I finally figured it out! The words given to me that cut my core, shook me up and yes, angered me. I was hurt, confused, bewildered, bothered….

Here’s what happened…. Last October, as many of you know, I had a lapse in my recovery. A setback if you will. My eyes decided to go bad as result of my cranial adjustments and to be honest, I was totally freaked out! After getting emergency cranial work because my vision was so distorted that I was seeing in 2D, these words were given to me from a person who was trying to help, “YOU CANNOT CONTROL GOD!”

Now, my closest people know that I am a words girl. Words can be the making or breaking of me. I hang on to them. I taste their sweetness or bitterness fully, and ingest them. So, when those words were shot out at me, I felt the sting prick my soul like a big unwanted spinter suddenly piercing my flesh that I just couldn’t pick out. The words just stayed there. And I didn’t fully understand what they meant!

I sought counsel, read scriptures, prayed, cried, stewed, gave myself a pity party, tried to not think about it…..etc.

That’s when God brought to me helpful reading by a blog post my friend Katie had written recently and words from Corrie ten Boom in one of her books.

‘Worry is control’ is what Katie wrote. I had been so worried about being blind or not being able to see properly. My worry was obvious and apparent to others to the point that the words, “You cannot control God!” were shot out at me. I thought, “I never thought I could control God!” I was angry. But really, isn’t that what I was doing? Trying to control this crazy process I’m going through by worrying? If I truly believed that God is in control and loves me so much more than I could ever even imagine, would I be so messed up and caught up in the worry?

Here are Corrie ten Boom’s beautiful words that helped me: But we have to surrender to Someone else, to God, who is love. He is not a dictator; He is a loving Father. There is no limit to what He will do for us, no end to His blessings, if we surrender to Him. Surrender is trusting God.

It was true, I had not been trusting in God. I had been fighting Him. Battling my will against His. Believing that I can control the outcome of this nightmarish TBI mess I’m living by holding onto the worry and not surrendering to His will for my life. Even though those words stung and burned like acid, I needed to hear them. The person who said them to me knew I wasn’t trusting God and was bold enough to speak truth to me.

In essense, worry is believing we can predict the future. Only God knows our future. Jeremiah 29:11 says He knows the plans He has for us. And really, how often do our worries turn to nothing? How often have I lost sleep worrying over things that have never happened?

I’m very grateful because now I’m getting the point. I am learning to surrender all of this to Him. No, I can’t “control God” and the outcome of my health….. and I’m glad of that too. God’s hands are far more capable than my own; His power and love is immensely infinte and limitless.

I don’t know if those words were given to me out of love (at the time it didn’t seem like it) but I am sure God used them to challenge me towards rightly evaluating and processing things and so I can be the soldier He wants me to me. True, the way they were spoken to me still stings a bit but they caught my attention and broke through to me that I need to stop worrying and start trusting.

Instead of defaulting to worry, I am now defaulting to prayer and trusting in my Almighty and Marvelous God who is love.

Dear Father,

I truly give this all unto you. Help me to fully surrender all to you, trusting in your perfect plan and please stop me from worrying and thinking I can control the future which isn’t up to me and never was anyway. My future lies in your loving and powerful hands.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Much love,

Viv πŸ’šπŸ™

Author: Viv

I'm a spoonie Blogger grieving the loss of my husband who went home 2/13/22.

76 thoughts on “That Aha Moment . . .”

      1. Thank you Jeff. I find myself thinking deeply a lot, sometimes I drive myself crazy with overthinking things but I can not shake words off no matter how much I try…..especially harsh ones.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. True, that children’s verse can not be farther from the truth saying words will “never hurt me”, because broken bones heal after about 6 weeks but harsh words can cause deep pain felt for a lifetime.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. What a lesson for us all . Life holds many lessons and not just during health problems. Right now for me I keep having the feeling my life is on hold .With my husband passing almost three years ago and having to care for 96 year old parents I sometime just want to run away. The thought that my best friend had to leave so I could take care of my parents sometimes angers me…Why me? But …God is in control and I truely do know that and although we never know what tomorrow holds it would be nice to know.
    You hanf in there and continue to be yourself …the one we all have learned to love.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Being a caretaker is a tough job dear Beverly. The day in and day out endless tasks can be overwhelming but you are doing the right thing. I will pray for strength and also some encouragments too. I love you and care so much. πŸ’šπŸ€—

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    1. Thanks Dawn! I greatly admire Corrie ten Boom’s writings and all she did for the Lord. “The Hiding Place” is such a great book and the movie deeply touched me also. Her six volume works by Guideposts publishing is Amazing! God bless you always my friend!πŸ’šπŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amen!!! Sister Girl! Amen!!!
    This part stung my eyes with tears β€œ In essense, worry is believing we can predict the future”
    How often have I fallen into that rocking chair of worry and not even acknowledged that I was sitting there going back and forth…
    Bless the Lord forevermore for your Aha moment – and now mine too.
    Keep penning Viv! 😘πŸ₯°

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Awwww dearest girl!! I have been so blessed by your writing this week too! What a gift from God that we can encouraging one another through our posts! Oh yes, I am so guilty of this rocking chair business also. I’m a huge worrier but by God’s grace, I’m learning to surrender it all to Him. I’m a slow learner though.πŸ˜‰ Much love sweetheart! God bless you always. πŸ’šπŸ€—

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh yes!! It is such a blessing to have fellowship with true sisters of the faith who have been crushed and are being crushed yielding sweet wine of grace. Love you right back Viv 😘😘😘

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for this! I am going through some trials right now, and in reading your post kind of had my own “ah ha” moment…wow! I am doing that exact thing, trying to control what I know God is in control of! I really, really needed this, thank you. I will keep praying for you. β™‘

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Awwww dear Connie, thank you! I will pray for you tooβ£πŸ™ How wonderful it is to know God used this post to encourage your heart today! God bless you always and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. πŸ’šπŸ’š

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    1. I’m so glad you were encouraged dear Wendi, and for also praying with me! I am so thankful for you dear one and praise be to God your comment finally came through to my notifications! WP finally got things right. Yay!! πŸ™πŸ’šπŸ€—πŸ’ƒ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awwww, God knew! He knew our souls needed to be hugged a bit!! Amen!! God bless you so much and always!! Dear Wendi!β£πŸ€—πŸ€—

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  4. I am enjoying looking at your picture to figure out the symbolism as related to your words. I am imagining that it is either: new growth inside a lightbulb (the “aha” moment of the light turning on) or new growth protected by God (the bulb) even in the midst of really hard times (the dying plants around). Thoughts?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I was thinking of your first thought being new growth inside my “aha moment”. My first picture was my empty light bulb and the second was the thoughts that came to grow out of my finally getting the point of the words that for months had really stumped and hurt me. But, I really love your second thought about God protecting our growth, which is a really deep way to process it too!! That’s really awesome Kim! πŸ’šπŸ’š

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  5. Love this! Right now I’m reading Joyce Meyers ‘the mind connection’ and I’ve read her ‘Battlefield of the Mind’ over and over again and one of the things she talks about is worry and how utterly useless it is. It changed me, just like you’re talking about here. Worry was stealing my joy. I couldn’t enjoy the good things that were happening every day because I was worrying about things that hadn’t happened yet, things I had no control over. I was dealing with some financial difficulties related to some home repairs that were immediately necessary. Thru Joyce and prayer, God showed me that at some point in the future, maybe a week, maybe 3 months, whenever, it will have been solved. There would come a point when this issue would be in the past. And how stress and worry wasn’t going to change that or make it come any quicker. So now I sit back and watch God work. Sometimes I have to give my worry and stress to Him over and over again, but He is always faithful to accept it back.
    Thank you for this,
    God bless you, Vivian!

    Alison

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very true how you say over and over again. I really get that because how many times we pick up the worries and hold them with tight fists is often. Oh yes, worry does rob us of the good things happening presently because we are focused on the “what ifs” of the future. Very true words!! Amen!! I’m so glad for this comment dear one and for your sharing with me the unending faithfulness of God in our trials. God bless you always!! Hugs!!! β£πŸ€—

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  6. Yes those β€œlittle” things called words can hurt so β€œbig.” I struggle in this area myself. I over think too much. I pray we all can get to the point when words bounce off like water off a duck’s back! πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

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    1. Hi dear Renee! What a great phrase, water off a duck’s back….oooooh I love that!! πŸ¦† I know I’m very sensitive and am working on thicker skin but I’m thinking this is a growth process and will come eventually?

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      1. Awwww, I’m a Southern Bell too! Never heard that phrase only, I’m as done in as a dead duck in the water! Lol! He truly is!! God bless you!!β£πŸ€—πŸ’š

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, the great “fear not!” Such wise words from our Lord, and so many times He tells us. He knows us so well, knows our needs.This was an insightful, gentle post, dear Vivian. Thank you for laying it out for us as you did, and for giving us a blessing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bless you Kathy! I do struggle with fear! PTSD is scary and I need God more and more to help me battle and fight my fears. He is so good to hammer those words in, and boy are we slow to hear them. He is faithful. Thank you for reading dear friend!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m a words person too Vivian. It sounds like God worked it for good even though it didn’t feel good. (Romans 8:28) πŸ™‚ I’m glad. It’s not fun when people’s words jump out and bite! Prayers going up for you sweet sis. ❀

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  9. Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)

    11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, β€œplans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
    hope things are going well, Viv
    “mr hopeless” (as “the nurse” calls me, but then she doesn’t have our faith)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love that verse Craig!! Thank you! And for checking on me. I’m taking a blog break. I hope to be back on once my eyes heal up a bit. I continue to pray for you and your heart medicine to keep working. God bless you and thanks so much!!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. a pleasure
    The meds are great thanks. Everything working fine, except for the brain… or so “the nurse ” says.
    PS
    She came with me to my lady doc to explain (way better than me to sort out my muddles) and asked the doctor to check whether I had a brain!

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  11. Awesome! I love how you talked about being angry about the comment initially then realizing the truth in it. Interesting thought to chew on that worry is our attempt to control the future. It makes worry seem so pointless!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Lily! Thank you for reading and expressing your thoughts. It’s a blessing God revealed to me the true intent of that comment. It was meant for my good just like His promise in Romans 8:28. God bless you always and thanks again for stopping by! πŸ€—πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I think the words Job’s friends used to accuse him, though wrong for Job, was on the money for others. God has shown me that. And what may be with wrong intentions or frustrations, God can use for good. I’m glad He worked with you on these words and spoke to your heart. Reminding you of His love. Worry takes that away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do believe that. I know God used the words to get through to me even though the harshness hurt, He knew what it took to break through. Yes, worry does take our reminder of God’s love and leaves our fearful heart not trusting. πŸ˜’πŸ˜”

      Liked by 1 person

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