A time to speak

The following post is my story in a nutshell which a dear friend has strongly encouraged me to share. We all have a story. We all need to share. There is healing in sharing. There is healing in reaching others with our brokenness and pointing up to Jesus who heals and restores. Thank you for reading and blessings on your 2021!❤

I have often heard it said that brain injury comes in all different shapes and sizes. Whether it’s mild, moderate or severe brain injury, they all hold a very similar characteristic; they are all traumatic.

My traumatic brain injury occured as a child of barely thirteen years old. On the summer of 1991, the minivan full of us five church youths rolled down a steep embankment after missing the guard rail by just a few feet. The seventeen year old driver spaced out at the wheel. Tragically, two beautiful girls went up to heaven that day due to massive head injuries. The investigators of the accident guessed that the 1980s van didn’t explode due to a malfunction in the van’s interworkings, but I know it was God who spared us passengers and it was a miracle any of us survived.

My vague recollection of that frightening day remembers passing out when we finally came to a stop but how long I remained unconscious I do not know. Being the last person to be pulled out of the wreckage and the first to be put on an ambulance, I was taken to a small hospital in the middle of nowhere to be looked over. Surprisingly, I could walk, talk and though suffering a few bumps and cuts appeared to be relatively normal. However, the discovery of my brain injury came many years later.

Fast forward to a mother of four in her mid-thirties who was starting to fall apart physically but had no idea why. Sure there were plenty of signs that something serious was going on but where do you start to get to the bottom of so many crazy symptoms?

I went to the Dr. who ran a plethora of tests and said it’s hypothyroidism. Okay, that’s easy enough to deal with, just take a small white pill and there, no biggy right? Nope. While hypothyroidism is a very serious condition in and of itself, for me it was just the tip of the iceberg.

In 2016 I went completely numb from the waist down. My husband dragged me to a chiropractor who after tests and taking imagining discovered the root cause: head and multiple spine injury. She told me my condition was progressing and we began the journey towards healing through cranial and spinal treatments. These gentle care adjustments for accident survivors are designed to restore healing to the central nervous system while drawing out the injury so the body can heal and gain strength, mobility, and function.

Nothing can fully prepare a person for the emotional, physical, and spiritual impact a broken brain and body brings into one’s life. The hard months of physical pain, exhaustion, and frustration are not the only challenges but also how a TBI effects a person socially. Therefore arriving at the discovery of my head trauma in 2016, I had no idea then that the overall response from others would be……indifference. Thinking maybe it was because in my case my injury went undiscovered for so long, that people just didn’t or couldn’t understand that yes, there are cases in which trauma shows up years later. Yet, upon further reading and researching I’ve learned that sadly the majority of TBI survivors live socially in solitude. This is because friends vanish, relatives are distant, and acquaintances judge which is heartbreaking.

Taking all my emotional and physical pain and sadness, I decided to begin blogging my thoughts in order to speak out in the hope that it would help people understand and offer support. This did not work either because then I couldn’t get anyone to read or follow my blog except for my best friend and parents who always supported me anyway. After a few posts my mom, being my number one fan, told me that reading about my faith was an encouragement to her and gave her hope. It was at that point my mom’s words spoke to my heart whispering gently that my writing endeavour wasn’t about me anymore. It was about bringing hope and encouragement to others and that was when my blogging purpose changed.

Writing words of encouragement in a blog to others who battle brain injury, MS, Chiari, and other chronic illnesses or injuries has been a amazing way to help others which in turn has brought the same to me. While old friends vanished like soap bubbles, I found a few amazing new friends through the blog who have been overwhelmingly supportive of me and a huge blessing to my life.

I don’t know why God allowed me to survive the accident that tragic day when my two friends died, yet I do know God is good and wise and has a plan for my life. I thank Him every day for a chance to grow up, marry, and have my four beautiful kids who bring so much joy. While there is no known cure for a TBI, I have heard that there can be improvements with proper therapies and treatments which gives this brain injured mama a whole lot of hope.

Written December 27, 2020 by vivjoywriter

10 Truths This Trial Has Taught Me

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of deep reflecting and soul searching. I have begged God to show me what it is He wants me to learn in the MIDST of this hard affliction. This suffering is for my good not evil and having the right heart posture before God opens up opportunity for me to learn from His instructive word. There have been troubling times when God felt far away but really He wasn’t….it was me not Him. He faithfully kept me hanging on to His hand while walking alongside of me.

Here are 10 Truths God has slowly taught me over these past 4 years. That is to say, I’m still learning to grab hold of them firmly, so the process is ongoing (just like my brain injury).

1) Go to God first.

When I’m struggling with deep emotional or physical pain, my temptation is to tell my family and friends first before even thinking of praying. How foolish it is that I suppose anyone other than God can even understand or handle my problems. Most of the time, I find perfect comfort in talking to Him, instead of venting to others who are also hurt by the enormity of this trial. Psalm 71:19 “Thy righteousness also, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: O God, who is like unto thee!”

2) Be thankful for every day, not just the good ones.

I have learned that life is a precious gift not to be taken for granted. Each day God gives me to love on my kids even if I am in hard pain, is a day for me to be amazed at the grace of God. He shows up on the hard days through thought and reflection on His word because in those hard days when I’m forced to rest more, there’s more time for fellowship with Him. Psalm 90:15 “Make us glad according to the days wherein thou hast afflicted us, and the years wherein we have seen evil.”

3) This world is not my home.

A close friend battled stage 3 breast cancer years ago and after she beat it (by the grace of God) she told me that through it He showed her this world is not her home. I didn’t fully grasp her meaning until I broke years later. Now I can wholeheartedly say this world is not my home. I’m only here on a temporary basis. If this world was my home I’d be in trouble. God has used my suffering to look upward and not get so caught up in the things of this world. My life in eternity matters most and because of Jesus I am secure in knowing peace, joy, and hope in a new heaven and earth with Him. Colossians 3:2 “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”

4) Don’t worry about what others think.

I’ve wasted so much time and energy on this one. Really, it’s not something we can even begin to control. Why worry when a person’s opinion of me is very irrelevant in the light of eternity. I should only care what God thinks. He sees me struggling, trying, persevering, hoping, and living. If people think I’m lazy, wimpy, or whatever negative attributes they surmise, it doesn’t matter and I remind myself not to allow it to get to me because God sees my heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b “for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looked on the outward appearance, but the Lord looked on the heart.”

5) Hold everything in a loose hand.

Corrie Ten Boom puts it well when she says to keep everything in a loose hand or it deeply hurts when God has to pry our fingers open. I’ve learned that there are many ebbs and flows in life with money, health, people, and the like. Money will come and go. So will people…..Health is a very changing and uncertain thing. Roll it all onto Jesus and trust Him with it ALL. We carry nothing in this life to eternity but our souls. Keep an open hand and leave it all in His. Hebrews 12:27 (Bill Sweeney’s life verse) And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.”

6) I can do nothing apart from Jesus.

The other day I was feeling excessively overwhelmed at the beginning of the week with schooling my youngest two. I sat there fretting about all the subjects and not feeling up to any of it, period. Then the Lord whispered to me Philippians 4:13 after seeking him in prayer. I begged Him for strength to carry on and He absolutely did! I was amazed and thrilled at how powerful His word is. It really is alive! “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

7) Keep your blinders on, and don’t compare!

Really, how many of us pretend on social media our lives are just peachy when we all know it isn’t. We all have trials. We all suffer. It’s hard and it’s messy. If I compare my shattered life of health with my footloose and fancy free friends, it only makes me miserable. I even find myself comparing my life with others who are also chronically infirmed! That’s even worse!! I’ve learned by God’s teaching, my trials were meant for me and I’m living the life God designed me to live. I am right where He has planted me. I know things are not fun or what I would have chosen but I know God knows best and He has written my story wisely. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

8) Laugh it off.😂

Having a brain injury requires not taking yourself too seriously. Recently, I have been struggling to get my words out properly. For some reason I’m putting a W on the beginning of my R words. I sound like Elmer Fudd from Looney Tunes, or the “marriage” Priest from the Princess Bride. The kids laugh at me for the dumb sounds I make and you know what? I laugh too. I could choose to cry that I’m a blundering weirdo but it’s lots more fun laughing and actually quite healthier. Ecclesiastes 3: 4″…..and a time to laugh….”

9) Get busy doing and praying for others.

When in the school of suffering God has taught me to focus my attention towards helping others in prayer or reaching out to them in love. There are times when my heart hasn’t been in it because of my own issues, but God always brings a blessing by showing me how to forget about myself while praying for others. It’s not about me. It’s about agape love that flows from God to me, then to them. 1 John 4:7a “Beloved, let us love one another…”

10) Never give Satan an inch because he will certainly take a mile!

I truly believe that the worst posture I can have is a worried, fearful outlook on life while others see my claim to faith but notice my lack of it. So, do I go around with a defeated, scared, and ungodly attitude towards my trial, or do I stand strong in this fight. The worst witness we can have as believers is acting like our God is little and unable to help us through our struggles. Satan wants Christians to be chained by our fears because it goes against everything God says in 2 Timothy 1:7. No, God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear.👎We have power, love, and a sound mind through Jesus who is victorious over this world!💪We can and should show everyone how we grasp firmly to the promises of God. If we are His then we shouldn’t go around acting like our Father in heaven doesn’t love or help His beloved.

**This point has been the biggest challenge of my life and I’m still learning every day to apply it. Sometimes I say this verse out loud in moments of fear and it’s power is triumphant. It works friends….it really does!

2 Timothy 1:7

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
After so long, I finally got to visit with my beloved Mama.

Much love,

Viv 💚

What has God been teaching you through your suffering? Which point 1-10 resonates with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts.💚🙏

My adorable parents!