Keeping up

TBI has a way of making one feel like you’re driving an old back-firing moped while everyone else is whizzing by in their 2018 Harley Davidson with the shiny chrome banana pipes.

Do you ever feel like keeping up with life is just too much? I do. The feeling of being so extremely overwhelmed by keeping up; homeschooling four kids, being mom, tending the home, trying to heal, and just living life makes me feel like it’s an impossible obstacle. I’m trying so hard, but it’s like running on a hamster wheel, exerting energy but not feeling like I’m getting anywhere.

When I was young, my dad, brother and I would take long walks to places in Philadelphia because we didn’t have a car and sometimes walking was the preferred method to buses or subways. I could never keep up because my dad’s long Marine Corps strides were not easy for my little legs and my brother being 5 years older had longer legs too. They were always having to say “keep up.” I tried, believe me, I tried, but the long journeys we took were so frustrating to my 7, 8, 9 year old legs. I had to walk/ run the whole time because it was the only way to keep up.

I’m glad of it! Being the baby of the family could been very detrimental in coddling or babying me, but my parents never did. They never babied me and let me off easy, just because I was their youngest and a girl. They knew how tough life is and didn’t sugar coat my childhood with pillows of fluff, and candy coated ideals.

When I realised my job as a child of keeping up was twice as hard, I could go easy on myself, not chiding or berating myself because I couldn’t keep but, instead, I could feel like I accomplished something as my efforts to keep up payed off from trying twice as hard.

Today, I’m dealing with this. It feels impossible to keep up. The house stays a wreck, school work presses in, and most days I barely have a chance to brush my hair. But when I see other homeschool moms going here and there teaching Latin, Greek, music to their kids and I can barely do the math and language arts, it hurts. But I realise it’s ok. I have a TBI. Not an excuse but a huge obstacle to overcome while trying to keep up. My kids are all excellent readers, great at math, and learning. Maybe not able to do all the fun stuff and extras like soccer and scout troops as before, but they are four great kids and loved. It’s ok! I need to speak this often. It’s okay, because with TBI things are twice as hard for me but in reality, I can keep up……. just in my own way with God’s help.

Yes, my moped still runs, even if it’s slow and not very pretty but that doesn’t matter because I’m still getting there.


Trust: Antidote of Fear

My family and I are preparing to face the effects of Hurricane Florence barreling towards Virginia and the Carolinas, possibly making landfall Thursday. Although my family and I are inland, the course of this storm will bring torrential rains, flooding and widespread power outages.

We are no strangers to loss of power as my family and I survived 11 days without power in 100° heat during the 2012 Derecho. It wasn’t fun. Being extremely hot and having no running water because our well runs on power, wasn’t easy to bear with four small kids, but God got us through it.

He will get us through this upcoming storm too. There is nothing to fear because He is ultimately in control and will preserve, protect and give us grace to face whatever comes.

I was so encouraged by several amazing comments posted by my blogging friends on my Trust Haiku, I just had to recap. I pray whoever reads them will be encouraged to trust completely in our Lord facing whatever storms come with HOPE.

Brenda from Becoming His Tapestry said: “……..Usually it’s during pain, we find it most difficult to trust God, yet it is during this time, we actually must. Thank you”

Wendi from simplychronicallyill said: detours can be so scary…………plodding on is so very important………

Ana from momlifewithchiari said: “…..there’s nothing the Lord will accept us going through without it serving a purpose. He’s with us, always.

Sue from runwithit said: “ …...We don’t always understand the paths God takes us on, because we can’t see the Big Picture. We don’t understand his timing, either. But, he has a plan and a purpose for it all. We just have to wait on him and trust Him no matter what comes our way…..

Please pray for me as I try to “rough it” toughing it out along with my other TBI issues which can make me feel vulnerable. Thank you. Much love!!